Trying to get into blogger...

It seems as if Xanga is dying.  I have been on Xanga since 2003... there was some notification that if they don't raise $60K by July 15th, xanga will be shut down.  I have tried blogger before, but can't really get into it. 

Any suggestions?  How do you connect on blogger?

Here's a brief introduction:

My name is Jill.  I am 33 years old young.  I have four children, all girls.  Isabel-4, Caroline-3, Anna-18 months, Caityln-18 months.  We have two poodles.  I am married to an ER physician.  Prior to becoming a stay at home mom, I was a board certified family nurse practitioner.  I am currently trying to figure out what to do with my professional license.  I have three years to figure it out before it expires.  I was a RN, and worked in the NICU, pediatrics, & CCU.  As a Nurse Practitioner, I worked at an urgent care clinic, and when we moved for my husband's residency, I worked as a contract employee at the VA.  I enjoy exercise, particularly dance fitness, cooking, and gardening.  My children are involved in dance, swim, choir, and soccer.  My husband enjoys running, gardening, and sports of all sorts-he even officiates football.  He is also in the Army National Guard.  Even though we moved two years ago for my husband's "real world" job, I am still struggling to find where I fit in where we are.

What Not to Say to a Doctor's Wife

I know no matter what, people are going to have inappropriate things to say. However, it seems to have been magnified since DrH graduated from residency. Family, friends, strangers... all have said some hurtful things, but mostly family and friends.

"You're so lucky you married a doctor."

Actually, I married a medical student, supported him during medical school, was the main breadwinner when he was in residency, he just happened to eventually become a doctor. Lucky? Yes, I am lucky. But, remember just last year he was working 80 hour weeks, never woke up for night feedings since he was always post call, on call, or working. Lucky? Yes, I am. However, when he works 3 out of 4 weekends, I don't feel so "lucky" on the weekends when I see families doing things together especially knowing the babies will be in school soon enough and there goes our special family outings during the week days. This time is precious while they are small and we are still able to do things without school dictating when we can and when we can't do things together.

"We've decided not to buy you a Christmas gift this year since you and DrH (or DrH and you) can buy whatever you want whenever you want."

Actually we don't buy whatever we want whenever we want. We budget like most other people. We are still recovering financially from the loss we took selling our old house. There are lots of things we would like but feel like they are necessities that we actually never end up buying, some big, most small things like decorative hand towels etc. And I thought the point of Christmas gifts was to show the person that you just thought about them, NOT because you don't think they can afford to buy something themselves. (This has come from both sides of the family including parents this year and siblings but they will continue to buy for each other, and we will still buy them a gift because we WANT to not because we don't think they can afford things themselves because honestly no one in our family is in a bad financial position.)

"You're so lucky you get to stay at home."

YES, I AM. However, I know lots of people in the same financial position or worse off than the people saying this statement, who still figure out a way to stay at home. It's a matter of priorities. What are you willing to give up to stay at home? Personally, I have given up having lunches out with coworkers, dressing up in the morning, putting on make up, getting to chit chat with coworkers, getting taken out to big drug meetings, my paycheck, getting to run errands uninterrupted just prior to work, during lunch, or right after work, getting to go to the gym without a dramatic daycare drop off just prior to work, during lunch, or right after work. Whether you work outside the home or stay home, it is a sacrifice. If you really want to stay at home, there is a way (usually--we couldn't work it out budget wise for me to stay home during residency but other resident families figured out a way, so I know there are some circumstances where it isn't feasible). Part of the reason why I became a stay at home mom was because of my husband's schedule, so we could spend time together during the work week as a family since he only gets 1 weekend off a month.

(I know lots of doctors wives that don't stay at home and know lots of stay at home moms who are not doctors wives, so this one isn't totally inclusive of doctors wives. It's a personal decision either way and none of any one else's business!)

"The economy never affects the rich like doctors, lawyers, bankers, CEOs."

I beg to differ. We took a loss selling our house in a neighborhood in Charleston that was selling like hotcakes and still is selling like hotcakes. Just because it's selling well doesn't mean we still didn't take a hit because of the market and people wanting to get the best deal because of the housing market. I know a lawyer who was laid off 3 years ago. The decline of the economy affects everyone. Our grocery bill and gas bills went up just like everyone else. Because our grocery bills and gas bills went up just like everyone else, we cut back on eating out and only eat out once a month for dinner.

"Doctors salaries have gotten out of hand."

Yes, he makes a lot of money throughout the year. But people don't realize the out of pocket costs to become a doctor. However, he also pays malpractice $25K/yr. We don't get medical or dental benefits through employment, so that's another out of pocket cost (and actually the more docs we talk to this is becoming more the trend). The government takes out AT LEAST $15K/month in taxes. And most doctors have $300K plus in med school debt to pay off. Also, he was paid LESS THAN A NURSE while in residency and worked 80 hours a week. It took him 8 years of school prior to that, so earnings were very minimal during those 11 years when other people the same age were creating and establishing careers. If they freeze or decrease doctors salaries, there's going to be a decline in medical school enrollment because of the costs to become a doctor and maintain a practice and licensure.

I just wish more people realized the sacrifices of a medical student, resident, and even a doctor makes and the sacrifices of the family. We often worship in church on Sunday without him. We often celebrate birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter on different days because he is usually working. I sleep alone at nights a lot. Most festivals and other community happenings occur on the weekends and he misses out because he's usually working. It broke his heart to miss celebrating Halloween with the neighborhood chili cook off, costume parade, pumpkin decorating. He hated missing out seeing the children so happy. When we coordinate to do things with other people like going to Boo at the Zoo, he is usually late because we have to start early because of bed times and he gets to see maybe the last hour of festivities. We are a very blessed family, we know it. But we have our struggles just like everyone else. Time and money both are fleeting. Which is more precious to you? It seems like most people focus on the money aspect of doctoring. To us, as a family, the more precious of these values is time. The time we never get back.

(The value of time spent apart can apply to lots of families including the military (which my husband also is), police officers, firemen, nurses (which I was) families etc. A big THANK YOU to you too!)